How to find your holiday cheer through a not so cheery life

The holiday season is upon us and life is buzzing with activity. People are decorating their homes, out shopping for gifts, and sending greeting cards to people they maybe haven't spoken to in months or seen in years. It's a special and fun time when our hearts are open and filled with the spirit of love and giving...right?

Who doesn't love Christmas?

I'll tell you who: all those people who hate their lives.

This time of year, folks seem either especially cheerful and bright, or overwhelmed and depressed. They either dig the colorful lights and pretty decorations or they loathe them. They either participate in the season of giving or they hate it, feeling grumpy and angry inside. 

Which category do you fit in?

When we are off balance - meaning our lives just aren't going the way we want and we can't seem to change them - we feel miserable inside. And when we feel miserable inside, we don't want to be around a lot of cheerful, happy people. We want to sit alone and be mad with our arms folded tightly across our chests and our lips in a pout...

Or do we?

Perhaps what we really want is to have exactly what we don't have, and exactly what we believe we can't have. Perhaps we get mad because when we are around them - all those cheerful, happy people - it reminds us of all the happiness we want but don't have, and believe we can't have. Yet there they are and there it is, staring us in the face.

We wonder: Why do they have it but not me? 

And that simple question sets us into a tailspin of all the reasons why we don't have it and can't get it. We feel victimized, unlucky, cursed, and trapped. Or we feel broken, discarded, worthless and hopeless. Looking around at all those happy faces makes us feel more alone in our pain, like no one else in the whole wide world understands what we have been through, what we are going through, or what we still have to deal with.

Whew. You feel the heaviness of that?

And the sad thing is - it's all a lie. Yep, a lie. You are not alone. You are not a victim. You are not unlucky, cursed or trapped. You are not broken, discarded, worthless or hopeless. You are a child of the same Divine Source as the rest of us - my brother or sister. Family. 

We all have our stories of struggle, heartache, and pain. We all carry wounds because Humans have egos, and when those egos go unchecked and get out of hand, they create a hurtful, hateful environment in which to live. 

Yet we can heal our wounds and grow our inner  capacity for compassion, love, joy and equanimity. These things create a safe, authentically loving environment in which to live, both internally and externally, in which we feel seen, held, worthy, purposeful, connected and happy. Each and every one of us craves such an environment to live in, whether we admit it to ourselves or not. It's our Human nature. If we didn't, we wouldn't feel so hurt or angry at not having it.

If you find yourself struggling to get through this holiday season for whatever your reasons, it is a sure sign that you are caught in the trap of a lie buried deep within your unconscious psyche.  The answer is not to punish yourself by isolating and judging yourself as unworthy. Or to punish those who are happy by being hurt and angry and judging them as the problem. They are not the problem. 

And neither are you. But the problem lies deep inside of you.

The answer is to make it your business to uncover the lie you are telling yourself that keeps you bound to the belief that you don't deserve or can't have happiness for yourself. Only by bringing the lie into the light can you unravel the threads of hurt that hold it in place so you can grow beyond it. There is nothing more important to your life than that, because until you do that, you will continue to suffer under the pain of the lie, not just during the holiday season but in spite of it. 

If you make it your business today to uncover the lie by investing your time, energy and resources into healing it, by this time next year, you may very well be one of those people your pain is currently judging. And you will wonder why it took you so long to love yourself enough to transform yourself and claim your own cheerful, happy life!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU!

How to Make 2018 an Amazing Year for Yourself (and the rest of us!)

Listen to your heart. What does it tell you?

Are you happy inside? Loving the life you have? So full that you overflow with joy? Living low-stress day to day?

If your answer is "Yes," congratulations! You are on a powerful path of keeping your courage high and your heart open. And by doing so, you serve the vibration of the planet in a positive way. Thank you!

And if your answer is "No," why not? What stops you? So many things can. Is it depression? Scarcity? Fear? Doubt? I can promise you that whatever it is lies deep within your psyche; you may not even know it's there. Because if you did, why wouldn't you change it?

I don't know anyone who wants to live out their lives in depression, scarcity, fear, doubt, or whatever else plagues them. But something stops them from taking steps to change their lives and break free of their pain. Usually, at the root of being stuck is fear. 

I speak to many people who are on a path of evolution right now. There seems to be a massive awakening taking place, meaning that many people are gaining a deep understanding of their place in this reality, and they feel inspired to elevate the vibration we share. These folks are ready to do whatever it takes to change their experiences from painful to powerful because they recognize the value of themselves and their lives. And they recognize that by raising their personal frequency, they participate in raising the frequency of the entire planet, which benefits everyone. This is BIG! 

I also talk to many people who are stuck in a low frequency, a low vibration. Rather than choosing to uplift and evolve their lives, they are stuck in stories of depression, scarcity, fear, doubt, or whatever else their mind concocts. When I speak to these folks, they are angry, closed, resistive, and in attack mode. Who wouldn't be? 

Believing we live in a Universe that diminishes us puts us on a hampster wheel of feeling defensive, forcing us to live in a constant mode of "fight, flight, freeze, or join." We either attack, leave, numb, or find others to commiserate with, none of which serves us in breaking free of our pain. And it certainly does nothing to elevate the Planetary frequency we all share.

The deal is - we get more of what we focus on, meaning that what we give our attention to, we feed our energy to and it grows in our lives. It doesn't matter if we want it or not, or if it's positive or negative. It's what our attention is on and our energy is feeding, so it grows. The Universe doesn't sense dualities like positive or negative, want or don't want. It senses what we are feeding with our attention and energy, and assumes we want more of that.

If our attention and energy are focused on everything we don't like or want, our life sucks because we get trapped in a low frequency. We spin in useless patterns that consume our energy. We never seem to get what we want. And we certainly can't catch a break or get ahead. Instead, we seem to get more and more of what we don't want. 

Stuck in this low frequency, we can spend our entire lives feeling miserable and looking for our next persecutor, because of course we believe there is one. There is always someone to blame for our pain either instead of or in addition to ourselves. Or we turn someone into our hero who doesn't need to be. Or we judge and torment others to try and feel better ourselves. 

But mostly, we default into a pattern of neglecting or rejecting our true selves, and we end up miserable and suffering inside. Which then shows outside in the content of our lives.

The more stuck we feel, the more stuck we get, until pretty soon we don't know any other way to be except stuck. And we can't imagine being anything else. Even when we encounter people who broke free,  who offer us something different or model for us a higher vibration, we ignore the offer or excuse away their happiness as luck or privilege or even pillage...something unavailable to us for whatever our reasons.

Pity. It doesn't have to be that way. We can raise our frequency and shift our vibration to transform the content of our lives. It really is quite simple. But we imagine it is going to be too difficult or painful or terrible or impossible, so many of us don't even try. Ever. 

We convince ourselves that we are special but not in a good way; in a way that says we cannot have what we want for whatever our reasons. And we believe that happiness is out of our reach. So we spend our time dragging down everyone else's frequency to match ours instead of lifting ours up to match theirs.

Notice that I described the transformation process as simple rather than easy. It is simple; it is not necessarily easy. But I guarantee it is easier than spending your entire life in misery! And a heck of a lot less scary than we imagine it might be. The process of transforming our lives comes down to making a commitment to ourselves to do so, mustering the courage to face the unknown, and then taking a step at a time through whatever we encounter until we reach the other side. Simple, right? But not necessarily easy.

So how do we jump off that hampster wheel of low frequency? To answer that question, we must understand how we get stuck on it in the first place.

For one, we each develop an unconscious - or hidden - inner guidance system during childhood that we never notice. Like a secret GPS that directs our thoughts and choices. But this hidden guidance system tends to be based on information that is faulty and misleading. Following it, we end up where we never meant to go, feeling alone, hurt, and confused, having little idea what happened or how we got there.

For another, if we don't value ourselves enough, we will most likely not be willing to invest in ourselves to change our frequency. Because we won't feel we are worth it. I have clients who come to me feeling broken, unlovable, alone, and afraid but they won't invest in themselves to transform their lives because they don't feel they are worth whatever it takes to do so. It is so very sad to me that they cannot feel their inherent worth and value. It breaks my heart, every time. 

Even more sad is that many people are willing to invest more into external things like A/C units, cars, or their looks than they are willing to invest in themselves - their inner Selves. They get caught in traps of unworthiness, or they develop a distorted notion of what self-worth actually is, so they prioritize everything but themselves. 

Don't get me wrong; we have responsibilities to tend to in our lives. I'm not talking about blowing off our necessities. I'm talking about what we prioritize in our lives. We all have access to the abundance of this Universe; there is no question about that. Everything we need is available to us, but we have to be open to receiving it in order for it to enter our lives. 

If we are internally, energetically closed down by unworthiness or self-pity or anger or doubt or fear or any number of other low frequencies, there is no room for the abundance of the Universe to enter our lives. At its core, this is about our sense of self-worth and value, yet it is entangled with scarcity and lack, abundance and prosperity. But I will reserve that topic for another blog!

Lastly, changing our lives is a process that takes commitment. There is not a pill to fix it. Or a book. Or an event. Or a person.  Ultimately it is up to ourselves. We must love ourselves enough to seek the support we need to update our faulty inner guidance system and grow. It is not a fleeting experience; it is a journey. 

Generally, we start the journey by feeling uncomfortable with something in our lives. And our inner struggle begins. Maybe we get sick. Or have an accident. Or someone we love dies. Or our job sucks or we lose it altogether. Or our partnership ends. Or we discover a betrayal. Or we finally acknowledge that we are unhappy.

When the pressure builds enough and we decide we can't live this way any longer, something shifts. It's as if we break open from the inside out and burst to the surface, gasping for air. We know we will drown if we don't change something. 

Why does it take us so long? Why do we suffer so long in the struggle? Because without an anchor, change is too hard to hold onto in the context of the familiar, unless or until it reaches critical mass. With critical mass, we feel we have no choice: change something or continue to be miserable until we die. Then we feel lost and confused, thrust out of our familiar comfort zone into the wild unknown.

It's easier for us to stay in our comfort zone - even if it's not all that comfortable - because at least it's familiar. We know how to do our lives the way they are. But we don't know how to do something different. So we don't invest enough of our energy into making something different happen because we are not sure how, or what it will look like. The unknown is a scary thing for many people.

The tricky part is that until we invest at least 51% of our energy into making something different happen, it won't happen. Well it might, but when energies are left unattended, things tend to change in ways we don't want. Think of it this way: if we have 50% of our energy invested in staying the same and 50% of our energy invested in changing, what do you think will happen? Nothing. Nothing significant will happen because it's a toss-up and it's more comfortable for us to stay in what we know, even if it's not exactly what we want.

All it takes to break free of this low-frequency trap is to invest at least as much energy in our selves as we do in everything else. Because until we do, nothing significant will change in our lives or in the world we share. And in order to do that, we must value, respect, and love ourselves. This is not selfishness; this is self-awareness. This is how we evolve.

Every challenge in our lives is an opportunity to grow and evolve. Challenges cause tension inside of us. That tension is our invitation to do something different, to change something. Without it, we would not grow; because why bother if there is nothing disturbing or upsetting us...enough?

We change because we either have what we don't want, or we don't have what we want. And eventually, if the tension increases enough, we get fed up with it. Or we change because we reach a threshold of discomfort we can't tolerate any longer within ourselves from something outside of ourselves. Or we change because we don't have a choice. Or we change because we encounter a crisis.

Changing is not the enemy here! We are our own worst enemy by not valuing and loving ourselves enough to take a stand for ourselves. Or by tolerating what we don't deserve. Or by rejecting the possibilities that are awaiting us. Or by not honoring our truth. 

Well I say no more! If there was ever a time to become self-aware, this is it. I say it is time to take that stand for yourself, to stop tolerating the shit-show you find yourself in, to stop rejecting the amazing things that await you in the field of infinite possibility, and to honor your truth. Because you are worth it!

2018 is the year, Baby. In ancient Numerology, it is a number 11 - the highest, most evolved frequency. It is about awakening, and about a perfectly powerful balance of masculine and feminine energies. According to the Chinese calendar, it is also the year of the Earth Dog, promising to be productive and tiring yet refreshing and regenerating at the same time. 

Get ready...Get set...GO! Go! for your self and Go! for all the rest of us! Change your life. Raise your frequency. And do your part in elevating this reality to a higher vibration. You can do it! We all can do it! Because we are all worth it and so is this reality we share. One step, one day, one change at a time. Before you know it, you will wonder why on Earth you waited so long...

Blessings to you, my friend.

FOR MORE INFORMATION about this, watch this and other videos at: http://bit.ly/2iIhq41

[NOTE: If you are a woman struggling to recover from a breakup or divorce, consider joining my women's only, closed Facebook Group, After A Breakup: Going From Heartache To Happy. This group offers support, guidance, new perspectives, and wisdom; and gives you and your experience a place to be held and heard.]