Stop putting limitations on your life

There is this sneaky game we play with the Universe called manifesting. And believe it or not, like it or not, you are a powerful manifestor! Everything you believe, think, say and do is manifesting something in your life. Are you paying attention to what you are creating?

If your life is filled with things you don't like or don't want, it's time to pay attention. Because that means you are inadvertently creating things that work against you rather than for you. You will know this is true for you if it feels like no matter what you do, you just can't get a break. Things just don't seem to go your way.

It's an easy trap to fall into because we don't do it consciously. So it feels like it just happens. But this is untrue. We know from science that what we think becomes our reality. And we can change reality by changing our thoughts.

When we change our thoughts, we change our focus. When we change our focus, we change what we feed with our energy. When we change what we feed with our energy, we change what we create. Sound simple?

It really is simple...but it's not so easy to do because so much of our lives are run on "auto pilot." We have billions of thoughts stashed in our sub- and un- conscious minds that drive our thoughts, words and actions without us ever knowing it. All we see are their consequences. And not all of them are pleasant.

COST VS. INVESTMENT

Here is a simple example of imposing limitation in your life. It's something I hear often: "How much does it cost?" "I can't afford that." "I don't have the money." "I'm broke." etc.

First of all, there is a big difference between a cost and an investment. Calling something a cost when there is a huge return for you personally is wrong. I do not see an investment in something that serves you in amazing ways as a cost and neither should you; it is a gain! An investment in your wholeness, happiness and fulfillment, in something that serves your life in  powerful and positive ways is always a gain.

THE INFINITE ABUNDANCE OF THE UNIVERSE

Second, it is limiting. As soon as you say things like It costs too much or I can't afford that or I don't have the money, you set limits to your level of abundance. You are acting as though there is a limit when there is not. This Universe is infinitely abundant. There is no scarcity here and no one is excluded from the abundance available. But you must stop putting limitations on your connection to it; and that starts at the level of your thoughts and words. Otherwise, all you will continue to see reflected back to you in reality is the lack and scarcity held in your thoughts, words and actions.

BUILDING PROSPERITY

Third, this is not to say you should be careless or thoughtless with your resources. No, quite the opposite. Of course it is important to hold high awareness around how you use the resources you have. But it serves best to put as much focus on building your resources as you do on not being careless with the ones you have. To build your prosperity, you must open to receive more than you can imagine and from sources you can't imagine. Otherwise, the picture will never change. Opening to the infinite possibilities of the Universe is what creates true resourcefulness.

MONEY AS ENERGY

Fourth, what is really happening when you invest in yourself? Money is nothing more than energy. And beyond that, it is a symbol of love. When clients sign up for my After A Breakup BOOTCAMP, for instance, they exchange their money for my guidance to help them reclaim their happiness and wholeness. They show themselves love by investing money in themselves, and I show them love with my guidance. So money becomes an exchange of love energy for their empowerment. 

ASK AND THE UNIVERSE ANSWERS

Fifth, this exchange of love energy is very important and here is why. It gives the Universe a clear message of what you want. When you exchange money (love energy) for something that serves your highest good, you tell the Universe, Yes! This is what I want! There is no guessing, no hesitation, no confusion; you've put your focus on it and your energy into it so the Universe goes, Ah, that is what she wants! And then it conspires with you to make it happen to your empowerment. But if you go into a dance of I can't afford that, it's too much, I don't have it, I can't... the Universe goes, Hmmm, does she really want it? Maybe not. And nothing aligns to help you get it.

SYNERGY OF A GROUP

Sixth, the energy that flows between two or more people working toward a goal is powerful! It's the old spiritual teaching, when two or more are gathered in my name. There is a synergistic flow that happens, like an upward spiraling of the energy that amplifies and elevates the experience for everyone. And having a mentor or guide on your side helps you reach your goal more easily and successfully. In the case of my BOOTCAMP, for example, I become your personal trainer to inspire you when you feel frustrated, encourage you when you want to give up, guide you when you don't know how, steady you when you wobble, and get you back on track should you stumble.

So all this is to say again, pay attention to what you are creating in your life. Stop imposing limiting beliefs! And get help if you feel unable to create what you want. Because it is there for you; you just have to learn how to access and connect with it.

Love Your Self Enough To Walk Away

If you have never had someone you love turn on you, consider yourself lucky. And quite rare. Unfortunately, the people we trust to love us the most are often the ones who hurt us the most. That is because we have the most to lose in relation to them.

When we love someone and they love us too, we want to believe we are safe with them because we all need a safe haven to rest into. Life can be tough and dangerous. If we can't trust the people we love and who love us, who can we trust?

LEARNING ABOUT LOVE

Our families give us our first experiences of loving. By virtue of being family, we love them and they love us. We can trust them; or we'd like to think so, anyway. We're blood. They would never turn their backs on us...right? We want to believe they will stand behind us no matter what, and especially through the challenges of our lives.

But family dynamics are a powerful thing. Over the course of a lifetime, we form unconscious roles and patterns with them that are deeply entrenched in our relationships. And without even realizing it, we work hard to keep those roles in place so we know how and where we fit in to the picture.

In fact, we are so invested in fitting in that many will turn on each other to ensure they still do. I have witnessed family members hurting each other over things like attention, acceptance, power, love and money. I have seen them lie, steal, manipulate, stab each other in the back, gossip about each other, call each other despicable names, hit, and even sue each other. Perhaps you have experienced one or more of these in your own family.

THE WOUND OF BEING DENIED

But there is one thing a family can do that shakes us to our core, and that is to not believe us when we tell the truth. There is something deeply wounding about that - the act of being denied our truth by our own family. It is natural to feel betrayed, rejected, or dismissed any time this happens, but especially when it happens with family. We feel unseen, unheard, disrespected, and disempowered. We get defensive because our authenticity and truth - who we are - is rejected. 

Ultimately, people believe what they want to believe, and they have personal (often sub or unconscious) reasons for doing so. But when it is our own family who rejects us - our blood, our safe haven - it can seem as though we have nowhere to go and no one in the world we can trust. This can leave us with a deep emotional wound, feeling alone, hurt, uncertain, anxious, betrayed, and afraid to trust our selves and others.

WHY WE STAY

Sometimes we stay in dysfunctional or toxic relationships well past the point of them being anything close to healthy or safe for us - especially with family and if our earlier relationships with them were loving - because we cling to the hope that it will change. We see the potential of its restoration and we get hooked by that potential. We want to believe it can and will change back to being supportive, respectful, and loving. And we may spend years in suffering waiting for that change to happen.

Other times we stay because the situation feels familiar, even if the relationship is dysfunctional or toxic. We grew up with it; we have enough experience to anticipate its rhythms and know what to do. If we walk away, we have no idea what will be there for us; but if we stay, we do. And some part of us feels safer with the familiar than the unknown.

Still other times we stay because we do not believe we deserve anything more; we do not feel worthy of authentic love. Most of us do not even know what authentic love is. Our culture is riddled with examples of inauthentic love and toxic relating. In my women's facebook group, After A Breakup: Finding Peace and Power, I hear story after story of women dealing with the aftermath of an abusive relationship. Many women struggle to leave it behind even when their life is in danger!

This struggle within intimate relationships points to a lack of self-worth that comes from a deep inner wound. And that wound typically starts in our family and then gets played out in future relationships. If we do not learn to accept, respect or value our selves, we do not own self-worth. And without self-worth, we do not authentically love ourselves. And if we do not authentically love ourselves, we cannot give and receive authentic love with anyone else.

WHEN TO LEAVE

Sometimes our family's behavior becomes so toxic that we must walk away from them in order to preserve ourselves. It is never an easy decision to leave those we love, and want so badly to love us in return. We want to believe that our family would never turn their backs on us. Yet if we do not walk away from a toxic situation, we are turning our backs on ourselves. And that is never a good idea! We must love ourselves best, before we can truly experience authentic loving with anyone else.

It breaks my heart, how those we love the most are the ones capable of hurting us the most. Unfortunately, it happens more often than any of us want to believe. And when it happens, it can be a challenge to get the clarity needed to know what to do about it...especially when it is our own family - our safe haven.

WHAT YOU CAN DO

You cannot make others believe you or even see things your way. But you can maintain your integrity despite your family's behavior. You can take the high road and disengage from their power games. And you can stand solidly in your truth, knowing it inside, no matter what anyone else says. Ultimately, your truth is between you and a Higher Power anyway. And true redemption comes from within.

As a child you have little, if any, influence over the dynamics of your family. But as an adult, you can empower your self around them. There are many ways to do so, and it is important to find one that feels best for you. This might include:

• having a difficult, straight-forward conversation with a family member; 
• calling a family meeting with everyone involved; 
• continuing to observe in silence for clarification; 
• reaching out to several family members for perspective; 
• writing letters to one or more family members;
• setting clear boundaries with one or more family members; or 
• letting one or more family members go from your life

If you do nothing to free your self from dysfunctional or toxic family relating, you walk a long and painful plank to desolation. Your body, mind and spirit suffer. You become diminished in your sense of self-worth and value. Your capacity to trust your self and others fades. And your heart closes, putting authentic love out of reach. 

There is no good reason to tolerate relationships that disregard and hurt you, especially within your own family. 

• It is not healthy. 
• It does not provide security. 
• It is not all you deserve. 
• You cannot change or fix it alone. 
• They are not the only ones who will "love" or be there for you.
• And it does not serve you to stay. 

To believe otherwise is error thinking.

If your family or someone you love has rejected your truth, if they are disrespecting and disregarding you, or otherwise hurting you, find the courage to take action on your behalf. It may resolve more easily than you imagine. Or you may find that walking away from them is necessary to preserve your self and your integrity. 

Distancing your self from your family or other hurtful people in your life does not have to mean you no longer love them; and it does not have to be forever. But if your relationship with them is unhealthy, dysfunctional, abusive or toxic, it may serve you to leave them for now. Because staying in such a relationship will only continue to diminish you. And nothing loving ever comes of that. ❤

Stuck in a Rut or Rolling like a Stone

Do you find yourself stuck in the same old ruts?

It's easy to do, because most of us have just enough energy to keep doing what we are doing but not enough to change anything. Yet we hope and wish for things to change. This pattern matches Albert Einstein's brilliant definition of insanity: "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Why do we do it? I know many people who want their lives to change but cannot make it happen. Why not, especially when it is something they strongly desire? 

Perhaps it is because change takes energy. And if the majority of your energy is sapped up by or depleted from what you've been doing for some time now, you don't have enough "extra" to make the changes you desperately want. 

So how do you get the energy you need to make the changes you want? The simple answer is to change what you are devoted to.  

Consider this: it takes at least 51% of your energy to make a change. That is because you must have more of your energy - even just one percent more - invested in changing than you do in staying the same. If you have 50% of your energy invested in changing and 50% of it invested in staying the same, guess what happens? Nothing!

You must find a way to invest more than half of your energy into changing to make it happen.

 
There are many ways to do this. A good place to start is to fire up your commitment. Make a commitment to the change you want, but not just any old commitment. I'm talking about a solid gold, nothing can stop me, I want this more than anything, double-dog dare you commitment to it. Feel your commitment to the depth of your bones. Devote yourself to its success. If it is important enough to you, you will. 

If you don't feel it that strongly, you might not want it that badly. Then, I suggest you set that one aside for later, and devote yourself and your energy to making the changes you really want and are ready for now.

Next, pay attention. By this, I mean seeing the story of your life from a higher, more neutral and compassionate perspective. Pay attention to how you spend your time and therefore your energy; your energy flows where your attention goes. Paying attention to your life in this way is called "awareness" or "self-awareness."  

Awareness helps you see where you are spending your energy so you can decide if it still serves you to do so. Uncover what you are feeding with your time and energy. Take stock. Which things in your life inspire and nourish you and which ones tire and deplete you?

Third, begin to shift how you spend your time and energy. This can be a challenging step because it may mean letting go of people, places or things that feel comfortable to you. But just because they feel comfortable to you does not mean they are supportive for you. They might be, yet this is the time to take a radically honest look at them and decide once and for all what to keep feeding and what to stop feeding with your attention and energy.

Sometimes you must let go of something good to make space for something great.

Not all of what you decide is "out" has to stay gone forever, but it may serve you best to let them go temporarily as you move through your changes. Later, you will know if it supports you to bring them back in. But in order to free yourself from the old ruts you've been stuck in, you must devote most of your time and energy (i.e., attention) to the new things you want to have in your life.

Remember, at least 51% of your time and energy must be devoted to making the changes you want in order to have a chance at success. That means 49% or less of your time and energy is going into maintaining the same old things that keep you stuck in a rut.

You must change what you are doing for things to change.

 
Focusing your time and energy on things that support you is not selfish, as many people fear. Quite the contrary; it is self-aware. There is a big difference between selfish and self-aware. 

Selfish is when you are primarily focused on your personal welfare despite any negative outcomes for anyone or anything else; and you only care about yourself.  

Self-aware, on the other hand, is when you are primarily focused on yourself in relation to all else, knowing that your choices impact other people and things; and you care enough to make the most compassionate choices possible for all concerned. BIG difference. 
  
Forth, once you see clearly what you want to keep in and what you want to let out of your life, and you refocus your time and energy to change them, it takes strong devotion to be successful in the long term. The relationships you feed will thrive in your life. By relationships, I mean to people, places and things. Devoting yourself (i.e., your attention, time and energy) to what truly nourishes and supports you in the long term will move you closer and closer to the life you really want.

Your level of devotion to this journey is what will get you through it with success. For lasting change to happen in your life, you must focus on long-term rather than short-term outcomes. Immediate or short-term gratification does not create lasting change, but long-term vision, intention and devotion does. What do you devote your time and energy to?

For lasting change to happen, you must devote at least 51% of yourself - your attention, time and energy - to the things that sustain it.     

Do this and before you know it, you will find yourself feeling lighter, happier and more fulfilled in life...out of your old ruts and rolling like a stone.